While studying criminal sociology at Carleton University in Ottawa, Canada, I worked as a Clerk 5 at the federal Solicitor General’s Canadian Penitentiary Service. My task was the compilation of a manual that instructed prison guards how to deploy during inmate riots. It was that experience that introduced me to the necessity of a rationally ingested, legal, recreational consumable at the end of each week. That ended up being inexpensive vodka dictated by my salary. The substance—an oily, industrial-grade fluid called Grand Duke or something—smelled like shaving gel.
On Friday nights in the summer, I would often find myself socializing with our neighbors in the late-19th-century limestone row house where my family lived. The leafy front porches of these beautiful old houses were the scenes of great parties, where every neighbor would strive to serve the perfect cocktail. In one house we had a direct descendant of England’s prominent Cecil family, so his gin and tonic was impeccably done. Another house had a gentleman who favored brown spirits for his incomparable Rob Roy. My offering was a simple screwdriver. I chose superior fruits—clementines and tangerines. On my way home I would stop in Ottawa’s ByWard Market, where one of the vendors usually carried imported citrus.
These were memorable evenings. It felt great to have intelligent, stimulating discussions while sipping our drinks. Along with my father and mother—both distinguished public servants—our neighbors comprised the full breadth of military historians, economists, and diplomats one would expect to find in the capital city of a leading nation such as Canada. My choice of exotic oranges compensated beautifully for the inferior vodka, and my screwdriver never failed to impress even the most sophisticated of our friends. Perhaps this was because I’d measure the portions to ensure that although plenty of sweet juice was used, there was enough vodka to guarantee the alcopunch overrode the essence of the orange infusion. Today, I can afford to treat myself, so I step up to a premium product containing no added oils.
Mix It
1.5 oz. Crystal Head vodka
Fresh-squeezed tangerine or clementine juice
Slice of lime
Fill a rocks glass with ice and add the vodka. Slowly infuse the fresh-squeezed juice. (When you add the juice, it should look as if an egg yolk is being broken slowly into the platinum-hued liquid.) Add a slice of lime. Enjoy. Keep your head. Drink wisely.
